Day 250: Columbo, Murder: A Self Portrait

Show: Columbo

Episode Particulars: S9EP1, “Murder: A Self Portrait”, original airdate November 25^th, 1989.

 Summary: Painter Max Barsini (Patrick Bauchau) is in a very unconventional relationship; his ex-wife Louise (Fionnula Flanagan) lives next door to him and spends a lot of time at his house, where he lives with his current wife Vanessa (Shera Danese) and his artist’s model Julie (Isabel Garcia Lorca), who it’s heavily implied he’s sleeping with. He thinks they’re all one big happy family…until Louise announces she’s moving in with her lover and former therapist, Doctor Hammer (George Coe), and hints at a dark event in Barsini’s past that she’s been keeping secret. Not wanting that secret to get out, Barsini makes it look like he was spending the day making a painting for a friend, but in reality, he sneaks out, knocks Louise unconscious with paint cleaner, and puts her in the ocean, leaving her to drown. When Columbo shows up to investigate, Barsini is actually confident enough to invite Columbo to sit for a portrait, which gives Columbo ample time to study Barsini and discuss the case. Especially the deeply symbolic nightmares Louise was having before she died…

Standalone Thoughts: I enjoyed this episode, but I’ll also admit that I have biases that make me predisposed to it. No, it doesn’t have anything to do with movies this time; it’s discussions of dreams and dream interpretations. I’ve always had a soft spot for things like that (you can imagine how happy Inception made me), so having it take up a large part of the episode was a good thing for me. All that being said, I am very well aware that some of the interpretations that Columbo and Barsini are coming up with are kind of stupid and only work because Admiral Plot Device says so. Furthermore, the dream sequences themselves are artsy in a way that would drive other people crazy, the way the camera tricks in “Ransom For a Dead Man” drove me nuts. So while I personally like this episode, I might not recommend it for everybody.

I also wouldn’t necessarily recommend the episode for everybody because the relationship between Barsini and the women in his life might be uncomfortable for some people. At the beginning, there was a certain comedic charm to it; I could easily see those early scenes being part of a sweet movie revolving around a man and his ex-wives who somehow all get along. But very quickly, Barsini turns into a tyrant who doesn’t actually care about what the women want as long as he’s happy. It never quite tips over into creepy territory—Bauchau has just enough charisma to keep things relatively light—but there’s enough of a focus on how he treats his “girls” that he becomes a nasty character pretty fast. In fact, he’s probably number three on my list of “most awful Columbo murderers”, right behind Doctor Mayfield and Marcus Collier. Which means he made an impression, but it’s not exactly the proudest of distinctions.

Despite those issues, though, I still stand by my statement that I enjoyed the episode. The tone and settings for the episode made it feel like it could have been in one of the earlier Columbo seasons, the acting is generally good, and while I’ve established that the material isn’t for everyone, it works if you’re willing to meet it halfway. As with the three prior seasons, Season Nine is giving us a promising start. Whether or not it will maintain that quality remains to be seen.

Number of “Columbo-isms”: Once again, we manage a perfect 6/6. Dog gets a big scene, the car pops up sporadically, Mrs. Columbo gets mentioned a few times, you can hear “This Old Man” on the soundtrack, Columbo does quite a bit of fumbling, and while he never actively says “Just one more thing”, he does the “leave and come back” gambit, which is close enough. I’m not sure why we keep getting so many perfect scores now, but I’m certainly not complaining.

Other: *While the opening scene involving Columbo and Dog at a Basset Hound show ultimately serves no purpose, I’m more forgiving of it than I am of the scene that opened “Make Me a Perfect Murder”. This is because a) it at least has a bit of payoff later that proves to have a tenuous connection to the case, and b) because it’s cute. As with many things, putting cute animals in a scene can make up for other weaknesses.

*Speaking of the opening scene, there’s a moment where a Basset Hound gets on a picnic table and starts licking a tray of meat before being picked up by his owner. It’s just an establishing scene and meant to be a funny beat, but the germaphobe in me sincerely hopes they got rid of the meat, or, perhaps appropriately, gave it to the dogs.

*Some behind the scenes trivia for you; Peter Falk met his second wife, Shera Danese, when she worked on Columbo. In fact, she appeared in six different Columbo episodes, the first one being “Fade in to Murder” (bonus trivia; that was the only episode she did before she was married to Falk). I probably should have brought this up earlier (particularly “Murder Under Glass” where she had a fairly large role), but this was the first time I saw her name in the opening credits, so it’s only now that the thought occurred to me.

*I was originally kind of baffled by the fact that Julie was reacting so well to the things Barsini was saying to her in their first scene, because he kept saying things like “worthless slut”, “rather stupid”, and “you have no detectable soul”. Then I realized what a warped relationship he had with the women in his life, and it all made sense. It’s still kind of disturbing how laissez-faire she was about it, though.

*There’s a nighttime establishing shot where we see the moon. It’s a nice enough shot, but as with the nighttime shot from Poirot’s “Problem at Sea”, it doesn’t look very realistic. That being said, I’ve seen the moon look pretty huge at times, so what do I know?

*I’ll give the episode credit; after at least two episodes revolving around doctors having relationships with their patients, this episode actually acknowledges that this is a bad thing, and tries to set it up so that Doctor Hammer is doing everything above board, from his relationship with Louise to giving evidence to the police. It’s not too important of the grand scheme of things, but I like that they were willing to address it.

*Speaking of therapy, there’s a moment where Hammer lies down on the couch in his office, needing some rest, while Columbo sits in the nearby chair as the two of them discuss the case. Inevitably, it starts to look and feel like Columbo’s the one analyzing Hammer instead of the other way around. It’s an obvious joke, but Falk and Coe make it work, so if I rolled my eyes, it was in an affectionate way.

*After vanishing from his pockets post-“Swan Song”, Columbo’s tape recorder makes a triumphant return. Granted, a quick check of its various appearances reveals that its design has changed each time, but it’s still a form of continuity.

Would This Hold Up in Court?: It’s not the strongest case Columbo’s ever had, but I’d say yes, assuming he obtained his key piece of evidence legally. Knowing Columbo, though, that’s a pretty big if.