Friday, November 17, 2017

Day 243: Columbo, Make Me a Perfect Murder




Show: Columbo
Episode Particulars: S7EP3, “Make Me a Perfect Murder”, original airdate February 25th, 1978.

 Summary: Kay Freestone (Trish Van Devere) is the executive assistant and lover to Mark McAndrews (Laurence Luckinbill), the head of the west coast branch of the CNC television studio. When he gets promoted to the New York office, Freestone thinks she’ll be getting his job, but McAndrews doesn’t think she’s ready for it yet. Dealing with a mix of both ambition and “a woman scorned”, Freestone murders him during the time she’s supposedly manning the projection booth to show the executives a TV movie she’s just completed. Naturally, she’s asked to take over for McAndrews, and she throws herself into the job with relish. But also naturally, Columbo’s on hand to make sure she doesn’t get to enjoy that job for very long.


Standalone Thoughts: The biggest thing that strikes me about this episode is the sheer amount of padding. Said padding is noticeable almost immediately, when the episode opens with Columbo driving down the road, not paying attention to his surroundings, before getting rear-ended by a cop car and subsequently getting whiplash. Opening with Columbo present is a very rare thing, and has generally been at least somewhat relevant. Here, it serves no purpose. Columbo is in a neck brace for about half the episode, and then he has a scene where he explains that he’s cured. Perhaps Falk had hurt his neck in real life and these scenes were hastily thrown in to explain the brace; that’s about the only explanation for why this material is here otherwise. But if you don’t know that fact, it just seems like a bit of business that winds up being more obtrusive than character-building, especially when all it contributes to Columbo’s character is having him think that questions about the case are actually questions about his neck. Unless it was necessary, it’s something we could have done without.

That’s the most egregious example, but there’s other bits too. There’s a scene where Columbo plays with the buttons in the control booth that leads to patterns waving across the various screens while classical music plays, which adds to the runtime but not to the story. There’s an exchange between Columbo and Freestone that takes place in Freestone’s old ramshackle house, which I think was supposed to say something about Freestone’s character but instead comes across as an odd place for exposition, complete with what is quite possibly the only time when a suspect has flirted with Columbo. Even something that actually is important feels like a load of padding. There’s a live musical performance starring Valerie Kirk (Lainie Kazan) that’s going to air in a day or two, and Kirk, who’s had substance abuse issues, isn’t sure she’s able to perform. Freestone has two big scenes with her, one where she manages to convince Kirk to continue, and one a little later where Kirk falls off the wagon and it becomes clear she won’t be able to do the show. This scene is essential to the story because the programming Freestone chooses to run instead is the same movie she was showing the executives when she murdered McAndrews, which helps Columbo to start putting the pieces together. However, other than that one moment, most of the rest of the material between Freestone and Kirk feels like it came from an entirely different story. It would be right at home in a melodrama about a fallen star struggling to make it big again and the friend who simultaneously helps her and enables her. In that context, it would be pretty good; here, it just feels off.

But although I’d say this is a weak episode on the whole, it does do two things I like. One is that it taught me something all those years back when I watched it. It explained the whole concept of little flashes in the corner of the screen to indicate when the projectionist should switch reels. That was very interesting to me as a film buff, and I think about that every time I happen to spot one while watching a movie in theaters or see an old movie on DVD that left those flashes in. The other is that it does some interesting things with Freestone. In a lot of these episodes, the person commits the murder for whatever reason, and most of their screentime revolves around them trying to explain the discrepancies Columbo finds, with maybe a scene or two that shows how they’re enjoying the fruits of their labors (promoting their new show, buying nice things for themselves, etc.). Here, we’re informed right from the start that McAndrews doesn’t think Freestone is ready to take over his job, because she doesn’t have enough experience. Once she’s murdered him for the position, we learn that he was right; she makes bad decisions even if she’s not wholly aware of it. Unlike in “Lady in Waiting” where it’s hard to tell if Chadwick was supposed to be a bad CEO or not, the writing of this episode is very clear about it, and I find it refreshing that the episode shows that the murderers don’t always get their happy ending after committing the crime (before Columbo catches them, of course). In a tighter story, I think I’d have really enjoyed this one. As it is, I’ll take what I was given and shake my head over what could have been.

Number of “Columbo-isms”: We finally did it. We finally got a perfect 6/6. A scene with Columbo’s car opens the episode, he has a large scene involving fumbling, he mentions his wife several times, he briefly but very distinctly whistles “This Old Man”, one small scene with his dog winds up being essential to his case, and while he never actually utters “Just one more thing” or even “one more thing”, he very clearly does the “start to leave and then turn around and say something” gambit that is part of the “Just one more thing” trope. I think that’s strong enough to allow it, and give us a perfect score. I’m delighted we managed to get one.

Other: *I’m sure he thought it would make a nice surprise, but McAndrews putting the keys to Freestone’s new car in her drink just seems like a bad idea all around. It’s unlikely she’ll choke on it, but I’m not sure how good that is for the car keys. Plus, what if she’s unobservant and doesn’t look into her drink?

*McAndrews actually says the line “Make me a perfect murder” early in the episode. As Cinemasins would say, “Roll credits”.

*Freestone puts on a glove to avoid leaving fingerprints on the murder weapon, then has to rush back to switch the reels so she can establish her alibi. Just as she finishes, the projectionist starts to enter, and she only has a few seconds to deal with the glove. So she…throws it to the floor, where Columbo inevitably finds it. While she doesn’t appear to have any pockets on her outfit, would it not have made more sense to stuff it into her shirt or down her pants, and then tuck it away in her purse at the first opportunity? You’re just going to throw it away or destroy it anyway; why risk having it discovered? I suspect Admiral Plot Device had a hand in this one…

*We see a few Emmys scattered around the TV office, including one that Columbo picks up and examines. Why do I have the very distinct impression that these were actual Emmys that were won by the Columbo crew? I know that’s what Coppola did in The Godfather, and it’s something I’d do if I was in a position like that, so I’d almost be disappointed if they didn’t do it. It’s just too perfect.

Would This Hold Up in Court?: I’m thinking no on this one. While Columbo has several pieces of evidence of varying quality, the way he obtained two of them is questionable. Even Freestone seems to be slightly aware of this, given her final speech. I don’t know if that counts as the episode being self-aware or not, but it’s kind of amusing to interpret it that way.


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