Show: Columbo
Episode
Particulars: S7EP3, “Make Me a Perfect Murder”, original airdate February
25th, 1978.
Standalone
Thoughts: The biggest thing that strikes me about this episode is the sheer
amount of padding. Said padding is noticeable almost immediately, when the
episode opens with Columbo driving down the road, not paying attention to his
surroundings, before getting rear-ended by a cop car and subsequently getting
whiplash. Opening with Columbo present is a very rare thing, and has generally
been at least somewhat relevant. Here, it serves no purpose. Columbo is in a
neck brace for about half the episode, and then he has a scene where he
explains that he’s cured. Perhaps Falk had hurt his neck in real life and these
scenes were hastily thrown in to explain the brace; that’s about the only
explanation for why this material is here otherwise. But if you don’t know that
fact, it just seems like a bit of business that winds up being more obtrusive
than character-building, especially when all it contributes to Columbo’s
character is having him think that questions about the case are actually
questions about his neck. Unless it was necessary, it’s something we could have
done without.
That’s the most egregious example, but there’s other bits
too. There’s a scene where Columbo plays with the buttons in the control booth
that leads to patterns waving across the various screens while classical music
plays, which adds to the runtime but not to the story. There’s an exchange
between Columbo and Freestone that takes place in Freestone’s old ramshackle
house, which I think was supposed to say something about Freestone’s character
but instead comes across as an odd place for exposition, complete with what is
quite possibly the only time when a suspect has flirted with Columbo. Even
something that actually is important
feels like a load of padding. There’s a live musical performance starring
Valerie Kirk (Lainie Kazan) that’s going to air in a day or two, and Kirk,
who’s had substance abuse issues, isn’t sure she’s able to perform. Freestone
has two big scenes with her, one where she manages to convince Kirk to
continue, and one a little later where Kirk falls off the wagon and it becomes
clear she won’t be able to do the show. This scene is essential to the story
because the programming Freestone chooses to run instead is the same movie she
was showing the executives when she murdered McAndrews, which helps Columbo to
start putting the pieces together. However, other than that one moment, most of
the rest of the material between Freestone and Kirk feels like it came from an
entirely different story. It would be right at home in a melodrama about a
fallen star struggling to make it big again and the friend who simultaneously
helps her and enables her. In that context, it would be pretty good; here, it
just feels off.
But although I’d say this is a weak episode on the whole,
it does do two things I like. One is that it taught me something all those
years back when I watched it. It explained the whole concept of little flashes
in the corner of the screen to indicate when the projectionist should switch
reels. That was very interesting to me as a film buff, and I think about that
every time I happen to spot one while watching a movie in theaters or see an
old movie on DVD that left those flashes in. The other is that it does some
interesting things with Freestone. In a lot of these episodes, the person
commits the murder for whatever reason, and most of their screentime revolves
around them trying to explain the discrepancies Columbo finds, with maybe a
scene or two that shows how they’re enjoying the fruits of their labors
(promoting their new show, buying nice things for themselves, etc.). Here,
we’re informed right from the start that McAndrews doesn’t think Freestone is
ready to take over his job, because she doesn’t have enough experience. Once
she’s murdered him for the position, we learn that he was right; she makes bad
decisions even if she’s not wholly aware of it. Unlike in “Lady in Waiting”
where it’s hard to tell if Chadwick was supposed to be a bad CEO or not, the
writing of this episode is very clear about it, and I find it refreshing that
the episode shows that the murderers don’t always get their happy ending after
committing the crime (before Columbo catches them, of course). In a tighter
story, I think I’d have really enjoyed this one. As it is, I’ll take what I was
given and shake my head over what could have been.
Number of
“Columbo-isms”: We finally did it. We finally got a perfect 6/6. A scene
with Columbo’s car opens the episode, he has a large scene involving fumbling,
he mentions his wife several times, he briefly but very distinctly whistles
“This Old Man”, one small scene with his dog winds up being essential to his
case, and while he never actually utters “Just one more thing” or even “one
more thing”, he very clearly does the “start to leave and then turn around and
say something” gambit that is part of the “Just one more thing” trope. I think
that’s strong enough to allow it, and give us a perfect score. I’m delighted we
managed to get one.
Other: *I’m
sure he thought it would make a nice surprise, but McAndrews putting the keys
to Freestone’s new car in her drink just seems like a bad idea all around. It’s
unlikely she’ll choke on it, but I’m not sure how good that is for the car keys.
Plus, what if she’s unobservant and doesn’t look into her drink?
*McAndrews actually says the line “Make me a perfect
murder” early in the episode. As Cinemasins would say, “Roll credits”.
*Freestone puts on a glove to avoid leaving fingerprints
on the murder weapon, then has to rush back to switch the reels so she can
establish her alibi. Just as she finishes, the projectionist starts to enter,
and she only has a few seconds to deal with the glove. So she…throws it to the
floor, where Columbo inevitably finds it. While she doesn’t appear to have any
pockets on her outfit, would it not have made more sense to stuff it into her
shirt or down her pants, and then tuck it away in her purse at the first opportunity?
You’re just going to throw it away or destroy it anyway; why risk having it
discovered? I suspect Admiral Plot Device had a hand in this one…
*We see a few Emmys scattered around the TV office,
including one that Columbo picks up and examines. Why do I have the very
distinct impression that these were actual Emmys that were won by the Columbo crew? I know that’s what Coppola
did in The Godfather, and it’s
something I’d do if I was in a position like that, so I’d almost be
disappointed if they didn’t do it. It’s just too perfect.
Would This Hold Up
in Court?: I’m thinking no on this one. While Columbo has several pieces of
evidence of varying quality, the way he obtained two of them is questionable.
Even Freestone seems to be slightly aware of this, given her final speech. I
don’t know if that counts as the episode being self-aware or not, but it’s kind
of amusing to interpret it that way.
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